As I mentioned in a previous post, with a few exceptions (and M, obvs), my dating record leaves something to be desired. At the time I felt I was seeing unique individuals with sparkling, quirky personalities. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and these “quirks,” more often than not, were actually just horrible personality traits, if not symptoms of psychopathy (sorry, Mom!).
Julie Klausner can relate. In her book, I Don’t Care About Your Band: What I Learned From Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated, Julie (I’ve decided we’re on a first name basis, since if we met in person, I’m pretty sure we’d be besties) recounts in extreme detail the various losers she’s dated. The book is more of a memoirs than an advice book – though she does dole out some important pieces of wisdom, too.
Julie is also super relatable. It was like reading my own thoughts when she busted out this gem:
He was wearing a vest, too, and a thumb ring, which is never OK…
YES. SPOT-FRACKING-ON. I loathe vests worn in a casual fashion… Unless you’re Patrick Jane from The Mentalist, in which case, keep on keepin’ on, Mr. Jane. But any other time signals a Super Douche, IMO. And thumb rings are bad all the time. No exceptions.
One of my favorite stories she recounts is about a dude who wants to “share a dick” with her. Not have a threesome, but “share a dick.” What the hell? Apparently, Julie’s reaction was the same as mine:
… Like anybody’s cock is so big that you’d be like, ‘I can’t finish this! Let’s split it.’
I don’t want to give the whole book away, because, if interested, you really should read it. It’s not super-deep or anything, but a funny, easy read with the same “gotta kiss a bunch of frogs” message told in a much more exciting, and in my case, relatable, way.