You know how in Friends the group discusses celebrities on their freebie lists? You know the list I’m referring to – the one that lists the celebrities you’re allowed to have relations with while in a committed relationship, and your significant other isn’t allowed to get upset. I have a list like that. Only M doesn’t want me to have a list, so it’s really just a list of people I’d hug real tight and giggle at nervously (Oh by the way, I have this great bridge to sell you).
You might find it a little odd for some of these fellas to be on this list, but that’s just how I roll – oddly. It’s a veritable potpourri of men and I want to stick my nose in there and take a great big whiff.
Clint Eastwood – Mr. Eastwood will forever be at the top of my list. Young Clint, old Clint – I don’t care. He’s just so good looking, you guys! And a wonderful actor and director to boot. I used to watch his spaghetti westerns as a little girl, so my crush took hold early and has yet to release me from its craggily, rugged clutches.
The rest of my list is in no particular order. But Clint is always first. ALWAYS.
Michael Fassbender – I first laid eyes on the stupidly handsome Mr. Fassbender when he played Burton “Pat” Christenson in Band of Brothers and thought, “now there’s a handsome fella.” Then I saw him again in Inglourious Basterds, Jane Eyre, and Prometheus. So many movies! I decided it obviously meant he was stalking me via movie roles and was in love with me. Duh. Michael Fassbender is a super talented, super strapping (see his role in Shame for exactly how strapping), AND super sexy with his unique Irish/German accent. More, please!
Leonard Nimoy – It appears I might have a thing for geriatrics. Whatever. Anyway, the nerdy fangirl in me emerges a bit with this one. My love for Nimoy started when M sat me down to watch the original Star Trek series and I fell hard for Spock. He’s so smart! And logical! And those ears! I got to meet the man himself a few years ago at Emerald City Comicon and could barely speak, but I did shake his hand and say hi and smile like a maniac. That’s the same as smoothly sweeping him off his feet, right? (P.S. Zachary Quinto has nothing on my man).
Jon Hamm – I saw Jon Hamm before in films such as Kissing Jessica Stein and Space Cowboys (starring my main squeeze Clint), but he never really caught my eye until he played the charming cad Don Draper on Mad Men. Oh, Don Draper… You’re such an utter piece of shit, but you’re so damaged and sexy, I forgive you. Now come give me a great big, sloppy hug. And in real life he’s been with his girlfriend for years and years and he is rocking a major beard at the moment. AND he seems super nice and amazing in interviews. I just want to be BFFs with him. Sexy BFFs.
Ryan Gosling – Who doesn’t love this guy? He is totally adorable and has some serious acting chops. Unlike every single other female my age in the history of ever, I was not a fan of The Notebook. I thought it was utter garbage. Despite my disdain for what is considered to be his breakthrough role, I still have THE FEELINGS for Ryan Gosling and quite enjoyed his other movies like Crazy Stupid Love and The Ides of March. He can hey girl me anytime.
Henry Cavill – In the new iteration of Superman, Mr. Cavill plays the titular character and he knocks that shiz out of the park. I mean come on, just look at him. He’s super in every single way (except apparently he likes The Big Bang Theory, which… no). A dude at my gym told me to check out Tudors because apparently in the first episode you see his tushy. Duly noted, gym guy. (It’s been added to my Netflix queue since that conversation, obviously).
Eion Bailey – Another Band of Brothers alum! Eion hasn’t has many more big roles, but he did play a PTSD-suffering war vet in an episode of Law and Order: SVU this past season and he looked as dreamy as ever. I’m beginning to think I have a thing for dark hair and blue eyes.
Vincent d’Onofrio – Oh man, VdO. I really, really like cop shows and the Law & Order franchise is no exception. After binging through every. single. episode. ever. of SVU a few years ago, I gave Criminal Intent a try. IT WAS AMAZING. Maybe even more amazing than SVU. And part of that amazingness came from the wonderfully talented Vincent d’Onofrio. As soon as I saw him, I was hooked. He was just so dreamy and weird! My crush made me a crazy woman – I looked up every movie and TV show he’d been in and watched as many as I could, including The Cell (which no one should ever watch for any reason) and episodes Miami Vice and The Equalizer. He’ll forever be a better Thor than Liam Hemsworth, too.
Christian Bale – I fell in love with Christian Bale when I saw him play Laurie opposite Winona Ryder in Little Women. Since then he’s become a wildly successful actor after he took his turn as Batman in The Dark Knight trilogy. But I really, really loved him as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. He was perfect as an egomaniacal yuppie turned serial killer and I ate those shirtless scenes right up with a spoon. A sexy, psychotic spoon.
Ian Harding – So one of my guiltiest of guilty pleasure TV shows is Pretty Little Liars. It’s on ABC Family, it’s not very well written, and there are plot holes you could fly a plane through. But Mr. Fitz, played by the adorable Ian Harding, is in it and he’s a charming, bookish English teacher with a thing for younger gals and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WAS SO MAD ABOUT THE LAST FINALE OH MY GOD. I don’t know if Ian has been in anything else, but look at those cheekbones and pretty eyes… What was I talking about?